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MICROCOPY RESOLUTION TEST CHART
(ANSI and ISO TEST CHART No, 2)
^S-^ '653 East Moin Street
S^SS Rochester. New York Ufinq jica
■-:= ( 7 1 6) 482 - 300 - Phone "^
^^ (716) 288- 5989 -Fox
inc
BACHELORS AND A BACHELOR'S
CONFESSIONS/ BY WASHINGTON
IRVING «^ V PICTURES BY
CECIL ALDIN * PUBLISHED
BY THE MACMILLAN COMPANY
OF CANADA, LTD. TORONTO
MCMIX
I :.
15 J
cj
/
REfKODUCKD
AND fKINTED BY
HALI.ANTVNli AND CO. LTD.
* ^ • • MCMIX
" The Bachelor most joyfully
In pleasant plight doth pass his daies.
Good-fellowship and companie
He doth maintain and keep alu/aies."
EvAWs's Old Ballads.
T^-RE is no character in the comedy of
human hfe that is more difficult to play
well than that of an old Bachelor. When a
single gentleman, therefore, arrives at that
critical penod when he begins to consider it
an impertment question to be asked his age
I would advise him to look veil to h's ways!
This period, it is true, is much later with some
5
BACHELORS
men than with others ; I have witnessed more
than once the meeting of two wrinkled old
lads of this kind, who had not seen each other
for several years, and have been amused by the
amicable exchange of compliments on each
other's appearance that takes place on such
occasions. There is always one invariable
observation, " Why, bless my soul ! you look
younger than when I last saw you ! " When-
ever a man's friends begin to compliment him
about looking young, he may be su^e thit they
think he is growing old.
I am led to make these remarks by the
conduct of Master Simon and the general,
who have become great cronies. As the former
is the youngest by many years, he is ref.ardf.a
as quite a youthful gallant by the general, who
moreover looks upon him as a man of great wit
and prodigious acquirements. Master Simon
is a family beau, and considered rather a young
fellow by all the elderly ladies of the connection,
for an old bachelor, in an old family connection,
6
BACHELORS
is something like an actor in a regular dramatic
corps, ^ who seems "to flourish in immortal
youth," and will continue to play the Romeos
and Rangers for half a ^
century together.
Master Simon, too, is a ^— ^
little of the chameleon, and -f^
takes a different hue with "^^
every different companion : "^
draws quivers
he is very attentive and
ofHcious, and somewhat sen-
timental, with Lady Lilly-
craft ; copies out little
namby-pamby ditties and
love-songs for her, and ^.»_ ^„,,,„
and doves and darts and Cupids to be worked
in the corners of her pocket handkerchiefs.
He mdulges, however, in very considerable
latitude with the other married ladies of
the family, and has many sly pleasantries to
whisper to them, that provoke an equivocal
laugh and tap of the fan. But when he gets
7
BACHELORS
among young company, he is apt to put on
the mad wag, and to talk in a very bachelor-
like strain about the sex.
In this he has been encouraged by the
example of the general, whom he looks up to
as a man who has seen the world. The general,
in fact, tells shocking stories after dinner,
when the ladies have retired, which he gives
as some of the choice things that are served
up at the MuUagatawny Club, a knot of boon
companions in London.
I saw him and Mastrr Simon, an evening
or two since, conversing with a buxom milk-
maid in a meadow ; and from their elbowing
each other now and then, and the general's
shaking his shoulders, blowing up his cheeks,
and breaking out into a short fit of irrepressible
laughter, I had no doubt they were playing
the mischief with the girl.
As I looked at them through a hedge, I could
not but think they would have made a tolerable
group for a modern picture of Susannah and
8
BACHELORS
the two elders. It is true, the girl seemed in
no wise alarmed at the force of the enemy ;
and I question, had either of them been alone,
=«iv
whether she would not have been more than
they would have ventured to encounter.
Such veteran roisters are daring wags when
together, and will put any female to the blush
with their jokes ; but they are as quiet as lambs
B 9
BACHELORS
when they fall singly into the clutches of a
fine woman.
In spite of the general's years, he evidently
IS a little vain of his person, and ambitious of
conquests. I have observed him on Sunday
in church eyeing the country girls most sus-
piciously, and have seen him leer upon them
with a downright amorous look even when
he has been gallanting Lady Lillycraft with
great ceremony through the churchyard. The
general, in fact, is a veteran in the service of
Cupid rather than of Mars, having signalised
himself in all the garrison towns and country
quarters, and seen service in every ballroom
of England. Not a celebrated beauty but
he has laid siege to ; and if his word may
be taken in a matter wherein no man is apt
to be over-veracious, it is incredible what
success he has had with the fair. At present
he is like a worn-out warrior, retired from
service, but who still cocks his beaver with
a military air, and talks stoutly of fighting
BACHELORS
whenever he comes within the smell of gun-
powder.
I have heard him speak his mind very freely
o:s^i^
over his bottle about the folly of the captain
in takmg a wife, as he thinks a young soldier
should care for nothing but his " bottle and
kind landlady." But, in fact, he says the
service on the Continent has had a sad effect
upon the young men : they have been ruined
by light wines and French quadrilles. " They've
nothing," he says, " of the spirit of the old
service. There are none of your six-bottle
men left, that were the souls of a mess dinner."
II
BACHELORS
As to a bachelor, the general affirms that he
is a free and easy man, with no baggage to
take care of but his portmanteau : but, as
Major Pendergast says, a married man, with
his wife hanging on his arm, always puts him
in mind of a chamber candlestick with its
extinguisher hitched to it. I should not mind
all this if it were merely confined to the general ;
but I fear he will be the ruin of my friend
Master Simon, who already begins to echo
his heresies, and to talk in the style of a gentle-
man that has seen life and lived upon the town.
Indeed, the general seems to have taken Master
Simon in hand, and talks of showing him the
lions when he comes to town, and of intro-
ducing him to a knot of choice spirits at the
Mullagatawny Club ; which, I understand,
is composed of old nabobs, officers in the
Company's employ, and other " men of Ind,"
that have seen service in the East, and returned
home burnt out with curry and touched with
the liver complaint. They have their regular
12
BACHELORS
club, where they eat muUagatawny soup,
smoke the hookah, talk about Tippoo Saib,
Seringapatam and tiger-hunting, and are
tediousiy agreeable in each other's company.
»3
A BACHELOR'S CONFESSIONS
" rU live a private, pensive, single life:'
The Collier of Croydon.
I WAS sitting in my room, a morning or two
smce, reading, when some one tapped at the
door, and Master Simon entered. He had an
usuaUy fresh appearance; he had put on a
bright green riding-coat, with a bunch of
violets in the button-hole, and had the air
of an old bachelor trying to rejuvenate himself.
He had not, however, his usual briskness and
vivacity, but loitered about the room with
somewhat of absence of manner, humming the
old song-" Go, lovely rose, tell her that
wastes her time and me » ; and then, leaning
against the window, and looking upon the
17
A BACHELOR'S C ONFESSIONS
landscape, he uttered a very audible sigh.
As I had not been accustomed to see Master
Simon in a pensive mood, I thought there
might be some vexation preying on his mind,
and I endeavoured to introduce a cheerful
stra. if conversation ; but he was not in the
vein to follow it up, and proposed that .ve
should take a walk.
It was a beautiful morning, of that soft
vernal temperature that seems to thaw all
the frost out of one's blood, and to set all
nature In a ferment. The very fishes felt its
influence : the cautious trout ventured out of
his dark hole to seek his mate, the roach and
the dace rose up to the surface of the brcok
to bask in the sunshine, and the amorous frog
piped from among the rushes. If ever an
oyste. can really fall in love, as has been said
or sung, it must be on such a morning.
The weather certainly had its effect, even
upon Master Simon, for he seemed obstinately
bent upon the pensive mood. Instead of
i8
NS
igh.
ster
lere
ind,
irful
the
,\c
soft
aU
aU
its
t of
and
re ok
frog
an
said
even
ately
i of
A BACHELOR'S CONFESSIONS
stepping briskly along, smacking his dog-whip,
whistling quaint ditties, or telling sporting
anecdotes, he leaned on my arm, and talked
about the approaching nuptials ; from whence
he made several digressions upon the character
of womankind, touched a little upon the
tender passion, and made sundry very excellent
though rather trite observations upon dis-
appointments in love. It was evident that
he had something on his mind which he wished
to impart, but felt awkward in approaching
It. I was curious to see to what this strain
would lead, but I was determined not to
assist him. Indeed, I mischievously pretended
to turn the conversation, and talked of his
usual topics—dogs, horses, and hunting ; but
he was very brief in his replies, and invariably
got back, by hook or by crook, into the senti-
mental vein.
At length we came to a clump of trees that
overhung a whispering brook, with a rustic
bench at their feet. The trees were grievously
21
A BACHELOR'S CONFESSIONS
scored with letters and devices, which had
grown out of all shape and size by the growth
of the bark ; and it appeared that this grove
had served as a kind of register of the family
loves from time immemorial. Here Master
Simon made a pause, pulled up a tuft of flowers,
threw them one by one into the water, and
at length, turning somewhat abruptly upon
me, asked me if I had ever been in love. I
confess the question startled me a little, as
I am not over-fond of making confessions of
my amorous follies, and above all should never
dream of choosing my friend Master Simon
for a confidant. He did not wait, however,
for a reply ; the inquiry was merely a prelude
to a confession on his own part, and after
several circumlocutions and whimsical pre-
ambles, he fairly disburdened himself of a very
tolerable story of his having been crossed
in love.
The reader will, very probably, suppose
that it related to the gay widow who jilted
22
i;^
^r^
A BACHEL OR'S CONFRSSTn^Q
him not long since at Doncaster races. No
such thing. It was about a sentimental passion
that he once had for a most beautiful young
iady, who wrote poetry and played on the harp
He used to serenade her; and indeed he
described several tender and gallant scenes, in
which he was evidently picturing himself in
his mind s eye as some elegant hero of romance,
though, unfortunately for the tale, I only saw
him as he stood before me, a dapper little old
bachelor, with a face like an apple that has
dried with the bloom on it.
WTiat were the particulars of this tender
tale I have already forgotten ; indeed I listened
to it with a heart like a very pebble stone,
having hard work to repress a smile while
Master Simon was putting on the amorous
swain, uttering every now and then a sigh
and endeavouring to look sentimental and
melancholy.
AH that I recollect is, that the lady, according
to his account, was certainly a little touched
4
A BA CHELOR'S CONFESSIONS
for she used to accept all the music that he
copied for her harp, and all the patterns that
he drew for her dresses : and he began to
flatter himself, after a long course of delicate
attentions, that he was gradually fanning up
a gentle flame in her heart, when she suddenly
accepted the hand of a rich, boisterous, fox-
hunting baronet, without either music or
sentiment, who carried her by storm after a
fortnight's courtship.
Master Simon could not help concluding
by some observation about " m.odest merit,"
and the power of gold over the sex. As a
remembrance of his passion, he pointed out a
heart carved on the bark of one of the trees,
but which, in the process of time, had grown
out into a large excrescence ; and he showed
me a lock of her hair, which he wore in a true
lover's knot in a large gold brooch.
I have seldom met with an old bachelor
that had not, at some time or other, his non-
sensical moment, when he would become tender
26
■>
A BACHELOR'S CONFESSIONS
and sentimental, talk about the concerns of
the heart, and have some confession of a
delicate nature to make. Almost every man
has some little trait of romance in his life,
which he looks back to with fondness, and
about which he is apt to grow garrulous
occasionally. He recollects himself as he was
at the time, young and gamesome, and forgets
that his hearers have no other idea of the hero
of the tale but such as he may appear at the
29
A BACHELOR'S CONFESSIONS
time of telling it — peradventure a withered,
whimsical, spindle-shanked old gentleman.
With married men, it is true, this is not so
frequently the case ; their amorous romance
is apt to decline after marriage — why, I ca inot
for the life of me imagine— but with a bachelor,
though it may slumber, it never dies. It is
always liable to break out again in transient
flashes, and never so much as on a spring
morning in the country ; or on a winter evening
when seated i his solitary chamber, stirring
up the fire ana talking of matrimony.
The moment that Master Simon had gone
th \-.- '- his confession, and, to use the common
phrase, * had made a clean breast of it," he
became quite himself again. He had settled
the point which had been worrying his mind,
and doubtless considered himself established
as a man of sentiment in my opinion. Before
we had finished our morning's stroll, he was
singing as blithe as a grasshopper, whistling
to his dogs, and telling droll stories ; and I
30
A BACHELOR'S CONFESSIONS
recollect that he was particularly facetious
that day at dinner on the subject of matrimony,
and uttered several excellent jokes, not to be
found in Joe Miller, that made the bride-
elect blush and look down, but set all the old
gentlemen at the table in a roar, and absolutely
brought tears ini n the general's eyes.
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